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And while it's no secret that the BDSM community is, er, not all that fond of the Fifty Shades franchise, there's no denying that the series has put the kink in the spotlight. But what is BDSM , really? I chatted with sex educator, instructor, and coach Lola Jean to find out. It can contain all elements or only one, BDSM holds no judgment. To many — especially those of us whose knowledge of BDSM stems purely from films like Fifty Shades — the practice sounds like a warped power dynamic or even abuse.

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See also: Risk-aware consensual kink A woman being put in suspension bondage at BoundCon , Germany, Since the submissive is vulnerable to a potential fall, it is important that great care is taken. Aside from the general advice related to safe sex , BDSM sessions often require a wider array of safety precautions than vanilla sex sexual behaviour without BDSM elements. In practice, pick-up scenes at clubs or parties may sometimes be low in negotiation much as pick-up sex from singles bars may not involve much negotiation or disclosure. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework of both acceptable and unacceptable activities.

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No more. "You look lost in thought," Chris said, joining me. Due to the lack of space, we both used our clipboards as placemats. He folded his arms on the table as well, one hand around his paper cup. "What's going on behind those beautiful emerald eyes?" My cheeks burned, and I could only look as high as his single-dimpled mouth while my hands fumbled at opening the wrapper on my sandwich.

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" "Damnit. Am I talking out loud to myself now, like I do in my sleep?" "It's adorable," Chris smiled, pecking me on the nose.

"Now hurry up. It's going to be a shit show in the parking lot. " I raised my eyebrows and checked the clock again.

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More that Chris didn't know about. My trip to the doctor three days ago had been two-fold: I'd wanted to check out the consistent rasp in my breathing; and I was scheduled to have my first ultrasound. Except that the technician couldn't find a heartbeat. I'd gone back today to get the second blood test to check my hCG levels.

After the doctor gave me the news that I'd miscarried, I'd sat in my car for a good thirty minutes staring out at the parking lot but not paying attention to the people and other cars moving about.

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The problem was, I didn't want new traditions. I wanted the old traditions I'd always known. with Chris added in. But I swallowed my pride and accepted that my life was changing, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

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Very charming, though. It made me think of him as a mere mortal, like me, and not the super always-in-control-of-everything man he presented himself to be. The word 'vulnerable' came to mind. I appreciated him even more for it.

"I received a letter last week.

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